Episode 45: How to Be More Optimistic When Life is 50/50

Episode Description

Uncover the unexpected twist in this podcast episode that will challenge everything you thought you knew about optimism. Follow along as the host takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions, from feeling down in the dumps to finding a glimmer of hope in the most unexpected places. You won't believe how a seemingly ordinary mishap leads to a profound lesson in resilience and positivity. Get ready to be surprised and inspired as you explore the hidden depths of human optimism. Are you ready to discover the unexpected twist that will leave you speechless?

When we focus on the positive aspects of our lives, it can make all the difference. - Walt Whitman

Mentioned in this Episode

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Cultivate Realistic Optimism: Learn how to maintain a positive outlook in challenging situations and find the silver lining in adversity.
• Boost Well-being with Realistic Optimism: Discover the benefits of realistic optimism on mental and emotional health, and how it can enhance overall well-being.
• Foster Self-reliance in Optimism: Explore the importance of self-reliance in nurturing a positive mindset and developing resilience in the face of setbacks.
• Enhance Positivity through Human Connections: Uncover the power of human connections in nurturing optimism and building a support system for personal growth.
• Reframe Negativity for Personal Growth: Learn how to reframe negative experiences and thoughts to fuel personal growth and cultivate a mindset of possibility.

[read more]

Boosting Well-being with Realistic Optimism

Realistic optimism can have a profound impact on both physical and mental health. This mental state helps lower stress levels and promotes psychological welfare, according to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association. Therefore, embracing this positive yet pragmatic outlook can drastically improve overall well-being and quality of life.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Join the club: For those interested in diving deeper into personal development and exploring what's possible, the monthly membership at samanthaleith.com offers tools and coaching for an extraordinary life.
• Share the podcast: Take a photo of this episode, share the podcast link, or tag friends on social media who would benefit from the content.
• Connect with others: Reach out to someone who may be in a negative spiral, foster connections, and share stories of resilience and optimism to help them build a brighter outlook on life.
• Follow on Instagram: Check out Samantha Leith's Instagram for photos and updates, including the multiple colors of her eye as it healed from an injury.
• Explore resources: Visit samanthaleith.com/theclub for more information on the monthly membership and the tools available for personal development and growth.

Timestamped summary of this episode:

00:00:03 - Welcome to the Samantha Leith podcast with me, Samantha Leith. I have a passion for exploring anything and everything that can help us to be extraordinary. Each week I'm going to dive into a topic and explore it extensively. Because if there's something that makes for a better life, I want to learn about it and more importantly, share it. And hey, you may just get the odd song thrown in.

00:00:26 - There'll be deep conversations, fun and frivolity. Helpful tools for you to add to your life straight away. Random musings about anything from coffee to sex and information that may just blow your mind. This is a podcast for dreamers, believers, action takers and achievers. It's personal development, but not as you know it.

00:00:51 - Welcome to episode 45 of the Samantha Leith podcast, how to be more optimistic when life is 50 50. Yep, it most certainly is, folks. So I've been away for the last few weeks. Well, life has been crazy. And rather than do crap podcasts and have to change plans and things, we actually just gave it a little break for a while.

00:01:15 - And you know what? That's okay. So what I want to talk to you about today and share with you is that sometimes life can be pretty crapola. And then there's other times when life is freaking fantastic and it's that good and that bad, that yin and that yang, that up and that down that, I don't know, keeps us on our toes almost. And it's really important that in those up and down moments, we do learn to actually be able to be more optimistic when we need to be, how we need to be resilient when we need to be, and how we can actually do the things that we need to do in those negative times.

00:01:56 - And also when it is those fantabuloso times that we don't get too carried away and then can't see the reality of other stuff that's going on. Okay? So in life, those ups and downs can actually help empower us. They can teach us how to do things, they can help us to grow. And if I'm going to say something over and over and over again on this podcast, it's going to be, life is better when we grow.

00:02:31 - So even though we might not actually have control over every situation that goes on in our lives, our response to that situation and how we think about that situation is entirely in our hands. So we're going to look at some strategies. I'm going to share maybe a couple of quotes with you or a couple of stories with you, because, you know, I like a good story and we're going to look at some real life ways that you can actually cultivate a little more of an optimistic outlook no matter what is going on in your life. Now, I'm talking about being optimistic in a good way. I'm not talking about toxic positivity and all that.

00:03:15 - Oh, my gosh, everything's fantastic. Because let me tell you, I have been an expert at that. I've been so good at, like, bluffing my way to, oh, everything's fine. Don't worry. Life's topsy turdy dandy.

00:03:30 - Got the wrong saying there, didn't I? Do that all the time? Not very good with those little sayings. But the reality is life is 50 50 now. Sometimes it might be 80 20, sometimes it might be 60 40, but you get my drift.

00:03:44 - Life is a scale and there's ups and there's downs and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. It's that positive and negative stuff that goes on in our lives that kind of almost make us human. And the balance that we have in those is totally inevitable. But how we react to it is what makes a difference. It's that reaction that can help us to have an incredibly extraordinary life or help us get stuck in, like, a victim mentality or thinking everything is doom and gloom, because it's not.

00:04:18 - And I don't want you to think like that. So there was a survey by the American Psychological association, but I can't remember what year they did it in, and I should have written that down. And they found that individuals who practice optimistic thinking experience lower stress levels and better all over psychological well being. Buh ba. Like, really, do you need any other reason?

00:04:42 - Really? Any other reason? No, I don't think you do. And if you've heard of Helen Keller, who hasn't? Incredible woman, she once said, and I did write down this quote, optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.

00:04:56 - Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. I would agree. I would absolutely agree. But that optimism, I don't think can necessarily be a falsehood, a fake thing that you put on all the time. You've got to actually embody it.

00:05:14 - You've got to be able to cultivate and create the ability to be more optimistic throughout life. And whether you're sick or you've had a tragedy or you had a fight with your boss or, oh, my gosh, the parking fairies went out and you didn't get that car park that you really wanted because you were rushing to the sale. You got to be able to just always look on the bright side of life kind of want to go boom, boom, boom. Anyway. Yep, that's me.

00:05:46 - I'm back. So what exactly is optimism? Well, optimism is about expecting the best possible outcome in any situation, but it's also about, as I said before, growth and resilience. Now, I used to say to my mother, stop being an awfulizer, because in many situations, instead of being optimistic about what was going to happen, she'd awfulize what was going to happen. So that was the absolute other extreme of what I'm talking about today.

00:06:15 - But it is really important to distinguish between realistic optimism, which is what I'm talking about, or, and rather that blind, crazy, toxic positivity, which just overlooks them and just ignores everything and thinks everything's coming up roses. And any of the studies that have gone on about realistic optimism show real benefits. Okay. They've got 35% lower risk of major heart complications, according to the Harvard Th Chan School of Public Health. Yes, I did look up some facts.

00:06:51 - So that really helps us to understand that it's got a powerful impact not just on our brains and our moods and our hearts and our souls and what we do, but also our physical health. Heart from a physical, not just mental way. I know. And this is. Yeah, actually, it is an example of this.

00:07:12 - So I know if I have that one little thing that chinks my armor of optimism and I don't figure out a way to overcome it or how to see through it or how to kind of look at whatever's going on in that moment in a better way, something else will happen, and then something else will happen, and then something else will happen, and you've all been there like you know it. If you, let's go back to the car park. You didn't get the car park when you were rushing to the shops, and then chances are you're grumpy or sad why I didn't get my car park. So then you go into the shops, and then you miss out on the item that you wanted, and then, oh, you've forgotten your credit card, and you can't pay for your groceries, and then you're loading everything into the car, and you drop the carton of eggs, and then you get home and it just goes. Rolls on because you just got stuck in that.

00:08:03 - Oh, see, it's all sh. And you couldn't figure out a way to actually understand that. Yeah, that was a crap moment. And you didn't get the park, and now you've got to go. Miles worst example, really, like, not getting a car park is not that bad.

00:08:21 - A problem really people. And side note, I'm a chick. There's a difference between how men and women park. And I'm not just talking about how they like scoot into the car park themselves. But most women I know, we drive to exactly where we want to go and then we kind of work our way backwards or outwards to find a parking spot, whereas most men I know drive to the suburb that they need to be in and they kind of go, oh, well, there's a park and it might be two blocks away.

00:08:54 - They just kind of go for the first and the easiest. Let me know. Honestly, hit me up on the socials and let me know if you agree with me because I'm 50 in a couple of months and it is 100% my experience of the man versus woman car parking situation. Anyway, total tangent there. Did get stuck on the car park thing.

00:09:17 - I didn't miss any parks this week either. So interesting that that was up big there thing for me. So how can we cultivate more optimism? How can we become better at being able to be a little bit more optimistic in situations? Well, I'm going to tell you one of the first ones is mindfulness and gratitude.

00:09:38 - Yep. Am I going to say it some blue in the face again? Those things make such a difference in everything in our life. Those mindfulness practices keep us anchored in the present right now. They help reduce the worries that are going on in our life about what's past or what the future is holding.

00:09:55 - Because that's that forward and that backwards thing is taking us away from the right now. And in the right now bit is when you kind of have the power within your mind to look at a situation in a better way. So the more we practice mindfulness exercises like meditation and deep breathing or circular breathing or journaling, any of those things will help us within this. And in one of those other mindfulness practices is about being grateful. So, you know, I'm a big journal person.

00:10:32 - I write five things I'm grateful for every single day because it can significantly shift our focus and help us to be more positive and make us more aware of the good things in our lives and not get stuck in that. I had this great saying the other day, a doom loop. Not get stuck in a doom loop about the bad stuff that's going on in our lives now or did ages ago. So every day, like, write down a couple of things that you're grateful for, because gratitude turns us from thinking about the negative to thinking that what we have right now is enough. It might be you're grateful for the coffee or the good sleep, or the beautiful sheets, or the sun and the fact that it stopped raining and you can hang out your washing.

00:11:15 - Someone smiled at you at the shops. Someone helped you when you dropped your eggs. Getting back in the car. Any of those things. We want to keep reminding ourselves about all those great things that are going on in our life, because the more we can see those, the more we can find them, the more they're just there staring us in our faces.

00:11:37 - We don't have to go looking for them so hard. Okay, another one I want to strategy I want to mention is reframing. Reframing your perspective. So when something crap goes on and we start thinking badly about what it is you may have. Let's just go a little bit of a moment with someone at work.

00:12:05 - You didn't get something done in time. Someone was doing something for you and they didn't get it done in time. Pick a scenario. Any scenario, really. I want you to think about the five, five five method.

00:12:19 - Now, I can't remember where I read this, but I thought it was brilliant or who came up with it. So sorry about that, but it was great. So when you're faced with something that's making you feel stressed or sad or angry, any of those kind of things, any of those more negative emotions and feelings that are going on about a situation, I want you to ask yourself if it'll matter in five days, five months or five years. Because I got to tell you, when you can distinguish between something that's whatevers and very trivial and something that's really significant, it really helps reframe your perspective. Okay, let's go back to the parking.

00:13:08 - Is not getting that car park going to matter in five days? Well, you may still be holding on to a little grudge in five days, and you might still be a bit annoyed about the eggs. But in five months or five years, chances are you're going to remember, and it is most certainly not going to be a significant thing in your life. Okay. And if it is, we need to have another conversation, and probably one on one.

00:13:31 - Okay. Another way to cultivate a little more optimism is to build resilience. Like whether it's confidence we want to build, or whether it's courage, or whether it's just our work habits, our piano playing skills, it's the practice of doing things. It's the building the muscle to do things that helps build that. So resilience is that bounce ability.

00:13:55 - Like something can happen and you go moying, boing, you can bounce back from that setback with your hope or your inspiration or your desires, all of those kind of things intact. They haven't disappeared. And one way you can do that is to immerse yourself, learn about other people's resilience is a really good way to do it. So reading biographies, looking at some of the amazing documentaries or even the docu dramas that are on television these days, there's often some really great stories in there about resilience. They can help us, inspire us.

00:14:31 - They can remind us that so much growth often comes from those negative moments, that adversity that people are faced with. Okay. And resilience for yourself. I know, actually recently I've been writing, I'm resilient in my journal quite a lot because I've found my not in all situations, but my resilience in a couple of things isn't as great as it used to be. And I understand why that's going on, but I'm really doing some work on that.

00:15:03 - So I talk about resilience in my journal, and it's about knowing that you have the power. That five, five, five thing. Again, it's, is this going to be significant in five years time? Because it's up to you. You get to choose that thought.

00:15:22 - You get to know in that moment that you have the power of the thought of what you're doing, how you're acting, all of that stuff. You're the only one with that power. You get to pick yourself back up and be resilient. And that's a beautiful thing. You don't have to rely on someone to do that for you.

00:15:43 - All of these things that I'm talking about and offering to you today are things that you do. It's all on you, boo. Okay? And when you have that mopey moment that we all have, we're all going to have. I'm not asking you to not have those moments because I think sometimes those moments when we can't find something to be really optimistic about or reframe our perspective in that moment, it gives us a really good opportunity to think about what's going on and how we're dealing something, dealing with something and why we're feeling the way we're feeling in that time.

00:16:16 - It might be something that happened to us 20 years ago and something happens today and you're like, just. It takes you back there. There's this feeling in your body. So in those times when you're not being resilient and you can't flick that switch or not even flick a switch but I can't do the gradual sped turning of the dial. What can you learn from that?

00:16:39 - What does it mean to you in that moment? Okay, last strategy that I've got to help you cultivate a little more optimism, grow that optimistic muscle is about connections. We're human beings, okay? We need connection, we need relationships, we need to have support around us, we need to have other people's perspective, we need to have joy, we need to have all of the things that go along with having good relationships and connections. So make sure you're fostering them, make sure you're looking after them, you're nurturing them.

00:17:16 - Pick up the know every day. Just randomly text a friend or phone a friend. Put it in your to do list every day. If it's become a bit of a thing that you're not doing, maybe you've gone into hermit mode, put it on your list and make it one of those frogs that you get done every morning before you do anything else. Because reaching out to people, we're not in silos.

00:17:44 - So reaching out to a friend or a loved one or a colleague, anyone, someone you haven't spoken to, a friend while someone you spoke to yesterday, just reach out to them, have a chat, and that can help reinforce a more optimistic outlook in life. Okay? And heavens to Betsy, if they invite you to something, I want you to go, okay? Yes, please, please go. It's important.

00:18:07 - Again, that whole living in a silo thing in this world where ironically, we're so super connected with our devices and through technology we're more disconnected because we don't have those phone calls. I had a phone call a couple of weeks ago with someone who I haven't had a conversation with in two and a half years, and I hadn't seen in two and a half years. And prior to that, I probably hadn't spoken to for about 15 years. And we had this conversation and it was like we had had dinner last week. Crazy.

00:18:41 - Amazing. So just pick up the phone and connect with someone, even write a letter, but get connected with people. It's really important. So I want you to think about the next time something happens to you that you are feeling negative about. It's challenging or might not even be challenging.

00:19:03 - It might be downright misery inducing. I want you to try those strategies I've talked about today. I want you to give that five, five five method a go. A couple of weeks ago, I was picking up Charlie, the chocolate Labrador from the vet. And Charlie, although she's not paralyzed anymore, she can walk and run and do those things.

00:19:27 - By the time she's finished rehab, she's exhausted and her back legs can't quite do the things she thinks she can do. And she went to jump in the boot of the car and I went to catch her because I didn't want her and her to fall on the cement. But as I went to catch her, the boot was still coming up. And I clocked my head, like, straight across the back of the car boot. Car boot door thingy.

00:19:49 - That's the technical word for it, I think. Car boot door thingy. And I went, oh, man, that's going to hurt. And then I put my hand to my face and there was blood and then left her in the boot. It wasn't that warmer day, so don't send me a message and tell me I'm a terrible human being.

00:20:05 - Went back into the bed. I'm like, I think someone needs to look at my face. And they took me into a treatment room and they cleaned up my face and then they said, oh, look, I think you actually need to go to hospital. You might have fractured that orbital bone. Now, I was miserable.

00:20:19 - I was in pain. I was like, I can't believe I'm meant to be filming tomorrow. And I've got this two cuts and big bruise, like, popping up on my face and my eyes getting all swollen. Negative, negative, negative. I was totally in a downward spiral about how awful this moment was and how it just meant life as crap.

00:20:44 - That's it. See, proof is in the pudding or proof is in the black eye. Life is crap. Now, 18 hours earlier, I was on stage having the time of my life. Brilliant gig, felt fabulous, was singing fabulously.

00:21:04 - Nothing's going to stop me. Everything in life is wonderful. And then next day, no, everything in life is crap. And you know what I did when I went to the hospital to check my IaX? I was there for hours and hours and hours while they did ct scans and things like that.

00:21:20 - And they did give me some very hardcore medications that was pretty good. And no, the medication didn't have anything to do with what the thought process I went through. But because of anything, those medications actually make you feel a bit more down. But I sat there and I was like, okay, well, Charlie didn't hurt herself. The people at the doctors, vets looked after me and they didn't charge me because you know those vets, they charge like wounded balls.

00:21:47 - As I came out of the hospital. Now, I didn't have a break, didn't break anything. And they told me how long it was going to heal. Et cetera. I thought about the help I had, the person who dropped me off at the hospital.

00:21:58 - I thought about the fact that someone else was making sure my daughter was okay because I wasn't going to be there. And I could find all these things that helped me to be a little bit more optimistic in that moment. I even did that. Well, if I still want to film and can't move it, I can always put makeup on. Now, I did move the filming, and today's actually been the first day I've put makeup on in nearly two weeks now for twelve days.

00:22:22 - And that's okay. But I could find, because I've done these exercises so many times, I could do that. Is this going to be significant in five days? Well, hell yeah. It still was five months.

00:22:32 - No, five years. I won't even remember doing it. And the cuts will be, thank you to the great skincare I use and scar healing stuff. The cuts will be fine. But I could have really got stuck in a negative loop in that moment.

00:22:48 - And because of this work, I didn't. And it wasn't about going, oh, God, this is totally irrelevant. It doesn't matter that I'm hurting. It mattered. It really did matter.

00:23:00 - But I could still become and see and find a little more optimism and strength and kind of okayness in my heart and in my mind about that moment. Anyway, you can check on my instagram for the photos of the multiple colors of my eye as that time went on. It was quite crazy. Amazing how our skin can change color like that. Just incredible.

00:23:27 - Yeah, amazing. Amazing. Anyway, before I finish this up, I just want to remind you that optimism is a skill, much like so many of the things that I talk about and teach that we can nurture and we can intentionally practice and we can build that muscle in. Okay. We can keep building it.

00:23:50 - We can be more optimistic, and even when life is 50 50. Okay. And as Walt Whitman beautifully put it, when we focus on the positive aspects, our lives, of our lives, it can make all the difference. Now, that's not a direct quote. It's kind of because I forgot to write down the direct quote, but you get the gist of what Whitman said.

00:24:14 - Okay, so I want to encourage you to just try some of these strategies. And if you've got something in, somewhat something, someone in your life at the moment who is in a bit of one of those doomy, gloomy spiral or flies and kind of moments, reach out to them. They might not be reaching out to you, but reach out to them and foster that connection. Maybe tell them a couple of stories about resilience or something about optimism, and you may be able to just get that word in that can help them to build their brighter and more optimistic outlook on life. And if you want, because you know I'd appreciate it, you can take a photo of this episode and share or share the podcast with them.

00:25:05 - Just a shared podcast link. Or take a photo, pop it on the socials, tag me. Tag some of your friends who think you think would get benefit out of this episode. That was a mouthful, wasn't it? So until next week, my fabulous friends, have an incredible, extraordinary week.

00:25:23 - And remember, in those moments where it's not feeling fantastic, will it matter in five days? Will it matter in five months? And will it matter in five years?

00:25:38 - Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Samantha Leith podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive deeper into the world of personal development and what's possible for you, then I'd love to invite you to join the club. It's my monthly membership designed to guide and support you with the tools and the coaching you need to be extraordinary. Head on over to samanthaleith.com theclub for more information. I'd love to see you on the inside.